Feelings.

 

Today’s blog post is not about fashion, I told you guys I wanted to dive into some deeper thought’s that have been on my mind.. because I’m a very emotional person and I’ve experienced a lot of different feelings this past year, that I feel the need to let off my chest I’ve felt a lot of love and I’ve been through a lot of loss… and a heck of a lot of finding who I am through it all.

I’ve always been the person so willing to give everyone love… no matter what and no matter what the circumstance is. People make mistakes, people are human. It is okay and it’s okay to still love people despite their mistakes. I feel like in our generation nowadays people have the tendency to just cut people off which is fine if you don’t vibe with them, but in other cases when you spend everyday with the same people and all the sudden they cut you off because you aren’t this perfect person or they think they’re all the sudden better than you, it sucks, you guys, but they aren’t the people for you. I’ve been through all kinds of situations and I’ve never been the person to cut people off because I just can’t do that to people no matter what they’ve done to me thus far. I’ve dealt with a lot of self centered egotistical people and that Is not the energy I wanted in my life. A song to describe the feeling I was feeling for more than half the year last year is Breathin’ By Ariana Grande.

I’ve never really talked much about making friends and meeting the right people after completely moving to a new state and knowing literally no one. It’s hard. I thought it was so easy when I first moved down here because I met so many people and so many people that also knew each other.. it’s a big city but it’s small… everyone knows everyone. I kind of got sucked into the wrong crowd.. and when you’re 22 years old trying to find your way in a new big city you think you’re doing everything you can and you want to believe everything you see. Especially when you’re a trusting person like myself. I became heavily influenced by Scottsdale and what I thought was cool, but it was NEVER me. I don’t even know how I met all these people it’s just so bizarre to me, but it happened and taught me several very valuable lessons. Scottsdale is all about clout and all about who has the most expensive things. All anyone is doing is trying to show off, and show off who’s better. They all say they are entrepreneurs.. but they are all literally doing the SAME thing, either selling real estate or selling alcohol. Hahaha. That was a joke. Not really but all Scottsdale is about is the next bottle girl and partying it up in Old Town.

EW. I’ve met several guys out there too, and let me tell you they are all after one thing and they all look the same and want the same girl. It’s disgusting. Not to mention everyone out there stays out there, no one really goes anywhere. But I got sucked into it with a crowd of people who didn’t have my best interest at heart and didn’t really care about real true friendship. Also just to clear the air I don’t drink or do anything of that sort really. So as you can imagine why was I even going out in the first place. Nobody even really dances. A couple months later I got involved with a local community theatre which literally saved the day. I needed that in my life again. That is literally the epitome of who I am as a person and the type of people I want to surround myself with. It removed the haze and made me separate myself from the type of person I don’t wanna be and the type of person I’ve always want to become.

Again I’m going back to making mistakes and being human. People thought I was like everyone else here and I’m truly not.. I was going through a period where I didn’t know and was a little bit naive and too trusting and didn’t really take a step back and realize what was around me. Toxic people and a toxic environment. People have the tendency to misinterpret me ALL the time… and believe me I understand and I get it. What’s kind of shitty is most of it is based off of looks. How can we as a generation, base a whole persons being off of how they look and how they present themselves. How is that possible? This brings me back to what I was saying in one of my Instagram posts about how you can’t ever really truly get to know a person through social media. We all think we really know everything about the people that we follow and we don’t. We can’t. We can’t learn everything about someone through a 15 second video they post. That is literally so minuscule in the scheme of things. People think I’m just another dumb blonde. Just because I’m blonde… and then they get to know me and are like wow I judged you and you’re nothing like what I thought. When is that ever going to end? To really get to know the people around us we have to invest time in those friendships and break away the walls and breakaway the barriers. This is what life is about and most of us are so scared to open up to people and be vulnerable, because we are afraid of getting judged or them not liking us or thinking differently of us. To be honest that is the best part. When we open up to someone and show how weird we actually are and they love us anyway, that’s the BEST kind of friendship/relationship.

As scary as it is being vulnerable with people close to you is one of the best things in life you can share with someone. If you’re that comfortable with that person to be able to open up it’s beautiful thing.. it is a beautiful thing looking into someones mind. I have a few very close friends here now that I trust with my life and they are people who have literally pried open my doors and knocked down every wall that I had because they cared and they wanted to build upon that relationship. When I haven’t been so easy to open up, I’ve always been one to deal with it on my own and not tell everyone what I’m always thinking. Friendships like that are what it’s all about. All this surface level shit that we see on social media is all so fake and I’m just so tired of seeing. I want to see real moments with real genuine people.

We meet very few people in life who quite literally take our breath away. So, remain close to those who quite literally make you feel like sunshine.

“Life is full of disappointments, failures and setbacks. None of those things can permanently stop you. You have the power in you to overcome anything life throws at you. There is nothing more powerful than a made up mind. Surround yourself with people who remind you that you matter, and support you in ways that matter most to you. No person, situation or circumstance can define who you are. Don’t give up, cave in, or stop believing that it’s possible. It’s not over till you win. ”