Self Doubt.

These past couple of months have been very weird months, to say the least. Let’s talk.

For the past two years, although up until recently I’ve been quiet about it, for those of you who know me and follow along.. I’ve been working on music, or well trying to work on music. In the process of doing this, I have lost myself and found myself and lost myself again. But hey that’s part of life. In this process I’ve gone from “content creator” to  “I don’t know what the F*** I’m doing. ” Again… All parts of life, right? I am the dreamer of dreamers and this dream is a one in a million chance and the work it takes to get there, the amount of hours put in and days and YEARS to get there, that people don’t realize. IT. TAKES. TIME. You know that phrase the people say.. “Anything worth having doesn’t come easy” for sure. I’ve tried on many different hats over the last couple years from different looks and styles to friends and relationships, genres and writing, western or edgy rocker. What I am coming to learn is I am all of this. I am not one thing, If I were one thing that’d be SO boring. Life is for living and BEING ANYTHING you want to be. I have had days where I’ve completely doubted myself, I’ve had weeks. I’ve gone days breaking down and crying every single day worrying about if I’m good enough. Worrying what happens if this doesn’t work out? Am I doing exactly what I need to be doing to be where I want to be? What do I post on social media In the middle of all of this? What do I do when I’m told what my image should be? Or how do I take my power back?

All of these questions and more constantly run through my mind. When you’re a dreamer and your expectations far surpass what your own brain can keep up with, every day isn’t sunshine and rainbows, that’s for sure. I’m in that phase of life where I feel like I’ve taken 5 steps forward and 5 steps back and sometimes just wanna start over and start from scratch… When In reality I’m just letting my own fear and self doubt get in the way of actually doing and standing in my power. It’s a hard battle to overcome, but it’s a daily thing.. it’s doing something every day to push you closer and hope to let it takeover the fear, because it will. The more you overthink and think about all the obstacles and all the “What if’s” of it all is actually causing you more anxiety and frustrations. But to be honest, it comes with the territory of having big dreams and goals… Whatever that may be. You cannot let fear get in your way. Fear is such a minuscule factor in the scheme of things. Your dreams and goals are much more important than what’s holding you back. Trust me though I’m still learning too, it doesn’t just happen over night, it’s an every day process of doing it… not letting anything stop you!

Every day looks so different for me which is why you haven’t seen a lot of me either in terms of social media.. along with my last post which is another reason why I’ve come to a lot of realizations recently. You don’t see the hours a day I put in doing vocal lessons and scales and singing and writing. You don’t see the hours I’ve had a mental breakdown and cried to friends about why I’m not perfect yet. You don’t see the hours spent in the studio. You haven’t seen the mistakes I’ve made in the process. The hours I’ve put into written bad songs, the hours I’ve put in writing good songs. Doubting yourself is part of the process. Doubting yourself is only a hurdle in the journey, don’t let it become a wall.IMG_1046IMG_1058Processed with VSCO with a9 preset

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