Today is February 24th, 2023. I am closing a door on this chapter of my life and it hurts. If I’m being honest–I’m traumatized, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I don’t really know where to begin.. So I’m going to begin with a quote.
“She allowed herself to be swept up in the depths of her inner darkness, only to be met with a light that revealed to her how her wounds would be transformed into her greatest gifts. The greater the pain, the deeper she went within. The deeper she went within, the higher she rose. And suddenly she realized, she was the light. “
I have found this quote to be very healing to my heart during this transition and I think with anything in life you’ll be met with a balance of opposing forces. That of darkness and of light. While ultimately realizing you, yourself were the light all along. You are the light that keeps what darkness creeps in at bay. When people see something shining so bright they are drawn to it and the right people will know what to do with it but ultimately you will have to learn how to handle the people trying to diminish the bright light that shines within you. Life is too short to let people steal your light.
The last 6 years of my life have been the most emotionally draining rollercoaster of life that I have been through thus far. There have been really high highs and really low lows. I loved someone very deeply, that I know. I saw the very soul inside this human that was struggling to hold his head above water. I saw the most damaged parts and I saw the most beautiful parts, some that he couldn’t even see. I can fully say I loved him with everything I had and it wasn’t enough. I loved someone who didn’t love me and It’s clear to see now. I don’t quite know how this is all real. If I’m being honest I’m still in a state of denial of the events that have since transpired. I gave up a life that I had made for myself in Phoenix to move to LA. A place that gave me a lot of anxiety… but I did it to try and repair my relationship, truly. I believed I was following my heart and after being so mad at myself for this I realized that maybe all of this that I’m going through now is the reason that it all happened. I feel as though I have abandoned myself and everything I was working towards… For what? To I guess learn the same lesson the universe has been screaming at me for the last couple years. To lose someone who didn’t love me. To realize.. the power I hold within myself.
I’m finishing writing this chapter on May 5. It’s been some time since I started writing this and this time has flown by. In this time frame I have realized that once you let go of everything that holds you back. Once you release all the negativity, all the worry, all the pain and all the fear, what’s on the other side is truly magic. I’ve witnessed all this magic in my life at play currently and it is something truly beautiful to witness. Through out this journey back to myself, I’ve been blessed with some truly magical people who see that very magic in my soul and know what to do with it. I feel free. I feel like my soul can finally breathe after such a long period of darkness and healing. I think that we try so hard to plan every little thing in our lives, but if I’ve learned anything in my life… is that nothing goes to plan. Quite honestly NOTHING. Haha. I mean this with the most love. The universe has a plan for us, the universe knows, it absolutely knows what it’s doing. Although we may try and control our lives, we don’t have that control, realistically. If I could give you any advice today after going through this journey it’s so release all control to the universe. Release everything that is holding you back. Release the weight you carry from other people and return that energy to sender.
When I started writing this, I originally wrote quite a bit more in detail, but I think this is all that needs to be said for now. You’ll see this story come to life in another art form soon.
I’ll leave you with this today… Today we are entering a Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse.
– An opportunity to close the door, to end repetitive cycles, to let go of toxic patterns, disempowering attachments, old identities and inauthentic ways of being. It’s a time to look at ourselves in the mirror and truly see who has been hiding beneath the facade we have been keeping up for so long. –
The Tarot card pull i’ll leave you with is – ‘The Star’ – brings hope, renewed power, and strength to carry on with life. It shows how abundantly blessed you are by the universe as evidenced by the various things around you. It may not be directly evident at the moment, for this card follows the trauma of the Tower card. Remember that you hold within you all that you need for your fulfillment – the only thing that you need is courage. For this, you have all reasons to rejoice. To see this card is a message to have faith, for the universe will bless you and bring forth all that you need.
Xx H
Hanna De La Vega 